


Stifled The Choice (And The Air In My Lungs)

by Selenai



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Comics), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anal, Bad Dreams, Established Relationship, First Times, Forgiveness, Incest, M/M, Misunderstandings, Prophecies, Smut, Teasing, The first Thor movie, Thorki - Freeform, almost!death, diry talk, dream talks, first time blowjob, platonic thor/jane, sibcest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-25 15:22:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20726411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selenai/pseuds/Selenai
Summary: Thor was less than a hundred years old the first time he had the dream. It caused him to wake up drenched in a cool sweat, and shaking slightly. He wiped a little of the slimy sweat from his forehead and lay back down.He’d always had vivid dreams before, but nothing like this. It was usually his mother with the dreams that occasionally came true. Not Thor. But this wasn’t a dream he wanted to come true. He wanted-- he needed-- to make sure itdidn’tcome true. Thor wasn’t prophetic, but that dream had been so real.Too real.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I saw this prompt on tumblr from like a year ago, and had to put my own spin on it! I hope you guys like it! It'll be my first multi-chaptered Thorki fic! Smut everywhere. I cannot be stoppedddd.
> 
> sorry. I couldn't help it. A little shout out to the girl writing fanfic beside me at Starbucks who didn't judge me. You're cool!

Thor was less than a hundred years old the first time he had the dream. It caused him to wake up drenched in a cool sweat, and shaking slightly. He wiped a little of the slimy sweat from his forehead and lay back down.

He’d always had vivid dreams before, but nothing like this. It was usually his mother with the dreams that occasionally came true. Not Thor. But this wasn’t a dream he wanted to come true. He wanted-- he needed-- to make sure it _didn’t_ come true. Thor wasn’t prophetic, but that dream had been so real.

Too real.

As real as the idea of reaching to the bedside table and finding the cool glass of water that Loki regularly brought him at night. Because he knew that Thor had trouble sleeping through the night. It was just one of those things he’d always done for him.

Which was one of many, many reasons that dream couldn’t come true.

Usually Thor’s dreams were full of warmth and soft, chaste touches and kisses. Not the harsh cold and bleakness of death and pain.

A big, god-like hand gripping and squeezing and breaking and… destroying. Destroying the last thing that Thor had ever loved. He’d felt his own heart break as Loki had been tossed aside like a bag of trash. Thrown onto the ground and then just left there to rot.

And Thor hadn’t even been able to scream. Not to scream or move or protect his younger brother the way he was born to.

Nothing. He’d been nothing.

And then when he’d woken up, it had been with a heavy heart and a deep despair inside of him. He’d never be anything if he couldn’t protect his most precious person.

He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and pushed himself up to stand. His legs ached a little from the sparring he’d done the previous day, but it was a comforting ache. A familiar ache. So far the only familiar thing he’d had so far that night.

As soon as his body was adjusted to standing up right, he walked quickly to the door that adjoined his room to Loki’s, and pulled it open. He just needed to see him. To make sure-- the dream had just felt so devastatingly _real_.

Stepping into the room, he turned and closed the adjoining door with a soft click.

Bare feet padded along the cool, stone floor until he was standing over Loki’s prone body, looking down at him. His blue gaze softened as he watched Loki’s chest rise and fall with gentle breaths. Then there was a soft snort and snore that Loki would forever deny he did in his sleep, but that Thor secretly adored.

Thor reached down with one large, calloused hand, and brushed it against that hairless, soft cheek.

Green eyes fluttered open and the breathing that had evened out came in a strangled gasp as he sat up quickly, gathering the sheets around him and looking around. His brother, young as he was, was never battle prepared. It was clear that he had been shocked awake, but he hadn’t done anything to protect himself. Well, other than his modesty.

“It’s all right, brother,” he whispered into the darkness, his voice echoing a little in the nearly-empty room. Loki had never been one to collect trinkets. Or, if he did, he didn’t display them. “It’s just me.”

Loki relaxed a little but narrowed those cool, green eyes, knuckles white where he was holding the sheet up against his chin. “I’m not dressed. Are you… stalking me or something? Just because our rooms adjoin, doesn’t mean you need to burst in whenever you want. I have half a mind to lock my side.”

They both knew it was an empty threat, but Thor couldn’t stop grinning. It had just been a dream. Loki was okay. This was his fiery younger brother without a doubt. Nothing worth panicking over. Loki was okay!

Thor lowered himself to sit on the edge of his brother’s bed which seemed to make him bristle a little in annoyance. “What are you doing?” He demanded. His voice was a little uneven, his cheeks a little warm, as he stared over at his older brother. He had seemed unsteady as of late. Like he couldn’t find his footing.

“I had a horrible dream,” Thor admitted. “I-- I just needed to make sure it wasn’t real. It felt real.”

Loki tilted his head a little, his fingers loosening where they’d been clutching at his sheet. He raised one perfectly shaped brow. “Are you acquiring Mother’s prophetic dreams?” He asked, openly curious.

Thor shook his head. “I hope not. It was too terrible to come true.”

Now, Loki seemed intrigued. He leaned forward a little. “Tell me about it.”

Shaking his head, Thor frowned. “No. I will not give it life.”

Loki leaned back again and rolled his eyes. “Typical Thor. Temporarily interesting, and then dull all at the same time.”

Thor scowled a little at that and wrapped his fingers around Loki’s ankle, squeezing lightly. “Don’t be rude,” he said firmly.

Loki tensed slightly at the touch, and his knuckles went white again. Thor noticed. He wondered-- had Loki had similar dreams? Maybe it was just a trick. Maybe Loki was playing a trick on him?

“Have you ever had a dream about me?” He asked Loki after a moment.

Loki’s lips parted slightly in surprise and his cheeks grew warm. “Not on purpose. I can assure you that the amount I see you in my waking moments is long enough.”

Lips twitching up a little, Thor tightened his grip on Loki’s ankle. “Not on purpose? What does that mean?”

Shaking his head, Loki looked away. “It means exactly what it sounds like. Have you ever dreamed of me, brother?”

Thor felt his own cheeks flush a little, and he cleared his throat. “Not on purpose.”

Loki snorted softly and leaned his head back against the wall, exposing the long curve of pale throat to Thor’s vision. His palms were sweating a little with the effort of not touching him. They’d done that once before, and-- and it had been amazing. But they’d both sworn it would never happen again. It had just been a chaste kiss and rubbing up against one another until they’d found completion. It had been a spur of the moment, delicious, delicious thing, but they’d both sworn not to ever bring it up again. It was just proof of the bad that ale could do.

“Don’t copy me,” Loki said with a sniff. “Just tell me about the dreams you’ve had of me. Why they have you chasing me to my room.”

Thor flushed slightly at his brother’s audacity, and shook his head. “I’m not chasing you for amorous reasons. It’s just--”

Loki lifted his head back up and all Thor could see was the mirth shining in his startlingly bright eyes. “What, Thor? _Brother_? What are you keeping from me?”

Thor didn’t want to frighten Loki. Which, undoubtedly, his dream would have done. He didn’t want him to believe that his life was about to come to a terrifying end. “Fine,” he said, trying to internally weave a lie his brother would believe. Between the two of them, Thor was not the better liar.

But just then he was motivated to lie enough that his brother would never suspect his death.

Not only that, but if Loki truly were to die in such a horrific way, he wanted to be sure that his life was lived to its fullest. And wasn’t that the job of the dutiful older brother? 

Okay. So. Maybe his intentions weren’t _entirely_ pure, but Thor wanted to make his brother’s life its fullest.

It was bad enough that he kept himself secluded to the deepest, darkest parts of the library, where only Thor knew where to find him. But he was-- he had begun to withdraw from even the Warriors. He had few friends who were his own, and only his own. He didn’t even seem to care. It was almost… as though he enjoyed his loneliness. But who would truly enjoy being alone? Thor couldn’t wrap his head around it.

When he, himself, wasn’t surrounded by his people, his friends, lovers, parents, Loki. He felt utterly alone. It took so many people (or just one Loki) to give him his worth.

“Thor?” Loki asked, reaching forward to tug lightly at one of his braids. “Are you sleeping with your eyes open again?”

Thor jolted back to reality and shook his head as he leaned closer to Loki, curling his entire body onto the bed and crawling over his brother.

Loki’s eyes were wide and a little apprehensive, his pupils dilated slightly. “Thor?”

“I’ll show you my dream,” he lied. Well, it wasn’t really a lie. He’d dreamt this very thing the night before.

“I thought…” Loki began before he shook his head as though to silence thoughts that were not helpful. His fingers came up to tangle in Thor’s hair, loosening one of the braids a little. “Never mind. Don’t let me stop your show.”

Thor nodded and tilted his head down, brushing his lips against Loki’s with a soft sigh. It was hardly passionate, it was more a chaste brush of lips that anyone could have given.

Loki let out a disappointed noise. “Is this how you kiss everyone? Because that would explain why the women leaving your rooms look less than satisfied.”

Thor’s eyes narrowed a little, and he leaned down to nip at Loki’s bottom lip, catching the flesh between his teeth and worrying it a little. “I could make you ache and bleed with how badly I want you,” he admitted.

Loki’s cheeks warmed a little, and his free hand slid up Thor’s bare chest, mapping the muscles of his abdomen. They shifted and tensed under his touch, and Thor’s eyes slid closed. “Loki…” he whispered.

“Do it,” Loki said quietly. “That’s what I want. I want you to take me, mark me, make me yours, Thor.”

Thor shivered and licked his lips, catching Loki’s lip with his tongue as well. “You don’t know what you’re asking for,” he muttered.

Loki raised a brow, his lips parted in a soft ‘o’. “You think me some sort of virgin?” He asked incredulously. “I’m nearly as old as you, and you haven’t been a virgin for almost ninety years.”

Thor let out a strangled sound. “I’ve never seen anyone leaving your chambers.”

Loki rolled his eyes and leaned forward to brush his nose against Thor’s lightly. “It’s called discretion. A prince of Asgard inviting all sorts of men back to his chambers?”

Thor’s eyes widened slightly and he tugged lightly at the sheet still pulled up over Loki’s chest. “Always men?” He asked softly.

Loki sighed at him. “Are you surprised?”

Thor thought about it a moment. The way Loki’s gaze had always fell and lingered on older men whose shoulders were a wide as their hips, and whose hair never fell beyond their shoulders. Often men who looked like--- Oh.

“No. I suppose I’m not.” He admitted.

Loki chuckled softly, and released his hold on the sheet, allowing Thor to pull it to his hips, exposing a narrow, lithe, yet muscled, pale chest. Loki’s nipples were a dusty pink, and Thor did the first thing he could think of. He lowered his head and brushed his lips (and maybe he ought to have shaved first) against that pale nipple. He let the tip of his tongue work over it the way he would have done with a maiden, until Loki was twisting and arching under his touch.

“And they say I have a silver tongue,” Loki whispered as Thor lifted his head. “I wonder what other things you could do with that mouth of yours.”

Thor glanced down. He could see where the sheet tented above the friction of his brother’s growing erection. Thor hadn’t seen his cock since he’d been quite young. Had never had interest in seeing _any_ cock the way that interest was sparked in him now.

“One day,” he began as he tugged the sheet lower. “One day I’ll push my tongue inside of you, drive you wild in ways you’ve never even dreamed of.”

Loki’s whole face was a soft pink. Thor couldn’t help but to compare the colour to that of his nipples. Perfect.

“Thor…” Loki gasped, as the sheet was tugged lower and his cock, which had curved up towards his belly and was a deep scarlet at the crown, was exposed to the warm Asgardian night air.

“I’d eat you out, even if you thought it was too dirty a thing for me to do,” he said gruffly, halfway tentative fingers coming up to tease just the tips along the curve of that delicious looking cock. “I’d tease your hole, and then I’d use tongue and fingers to stretch you so open and wet for me that you’d be gaping and ready for my cock before you even knew what was happening.”

“Fuck-- Thor,” Loki gasped, back arching. “You can’t just… say things like that.”

Thor was flushed a little himself, but he was grinning. This was how he would help his brother live his life to the fullest. The first way. If he interlocked their fates… how could anything bad ever happen to Loki? He’d protect him.

“I can’t speak the truth?” He asked softly. His fingers finally wrapped around the base, and he stroked Loki slowly. “I fully intend to follow through. Many, many times.”

Gasping again, and turning his head to the side to hide it in his pillow, Loki tightened his grip on the fitted sheet. “Have you ever done this with a man?” He asked, obviously curious, but almost afraid to know the answer.

“No,” Thor admitted as he fitted himself between Loki’s legs so that he could get a better look at what he was doing to his brother. As he stroked him, he could see a bead of precome sliding from the tip down the length of it to where his hand was. “But I’ve done it before.”

Loki’s eyes opened a little to look at Thor in surprise. “A girl let you do this?” He asked incredulously. He’d always found Asgardian women were… prudish.”

Thor chuckled, the sound echoing in the room. “A _woman_ let me do it. Taught me everything I’d ever need to know. I must say, it was quite the experience. Who knew it would help me prepare for… this.”

Loki licked his lips a little nervously. “Let me see your cock, Thor. I want to know what I’m in for.”

Thor shivered slightly, but nodded, pulling away form Loki a little to unfasten the sleep pants he wore. They were already quite tented, giving a hint of what was beneath, but even he knew it was nothing compared to his size. He could only hope that Loki wouldn’t shy away from his girth.

“Here, brother. Devour me with your eyes.” He let his sleep pants pool at his ankles, and kicked them off. His cock, easily larger than any other that Loki may have been with, was curved up just as Loki’s was. It was achingly hard from just the sight of his brother, the feel of him.

“Will you still feel tight when I push into you, or have you been all used up?” He asked a little crudely as he wrapped his own fingers around the base of his cock, stroking himself slowly.

Loki was a darker red in the face now as he watched, with eyes wide, as Thor stroked himself above. “I’ll be tighter than any of your whores,” he vowed.

Thor’s lips tugged into a grin and he leaned down to brush another chaste kiss against Loki’s mouth.

He wondered if it was strange that he was almost loath to kiss his brother properly. It might make this too real. Even more real than touching him this way was.

“Top drawer,” Loki whispered in Thor’s ear as his fingers came up to push dark hair away from his eyes. Like he didn’t want to miss anything.

Thor opened the drawer and pulled out the bottle of oil from it. He grinned at the sight of it. “Waiting for me?” He asked softly.

Loki rolled his eyes and smacked Thor’s hand away from that big cock so that he could wrap his own long, pale fingers around it and give it a soft pull.

A loud groan was pulled from Thor’s throat at the cool touch and his eyes slid closed even as his hand gripped the oil tighter. “I guess that means yes?” He panted.

Another roll of Loki’s eyes. “You’re not the only one who has shown interest in me as of late. Just the… most interesting.”

Thor’s lips tugged up into a grin and he pressed a kiss to Loki’s temple. “I thought you said I was dull?”

Loki shrugged a little and spread his legs a little wider. “That was when you were dressed, and before I had seen your cock. Which is, obviously, what has made you interesting.”

Thor chuckled at that and spilled a little too much of the oils over two of the fingers of his dominant hand. Some spilled onto the silk sheets, and Thor knew they’d be ruined by the end. “Sorry,” he said quietly.

Loki shook his head, eyes wide and blown open as he watched Thor lower his hand between spread legs to tease his index finger around his rim. “A-ah… don’t tease,” he demanded.

This time it was Thor’s turn to roll his eyes. “Why not? Doesn’t the anticipation make it better for you?”

Loki snorted softly and pushed his hips down, rolling them slightly to force the tip of that index finger inside of him. “I’ve been anticipating this for more than half my life. That’s all the anticipation I need!”

Thor’s eyes went wide, and his own pupils were blown so wide that his eyes were impossibly dark. Had Loki really wanted him so long? It was… it was unbelievable. He’d wanted him desperately these last few months, and even more since that dream, but to want someone for _years_ without speaking of it?

His brother was clearly a stronger man than he.

“Okay, okay,” he murmured as he pushed his index finger in, to the first knuckle. Loki pressed down against the intrusion, his breath caught in his throat.

“F-fuck, Thor! Your fingers… a-ah…! So big!”

Thor glanced down at where his index finger was pressed inside, and supposed, that compared to the average, non-god, that Loki was used to being with… well, he might be a bigger specimen.

“I’m barely even in,” he said softly. “It’s going to hurt you, I think.”

Loki shook his head. “No. I like being stretched. Sometimes I use-- ah… bigger things that feel like you.”

Thor was a little shocked at that, but it was hot. It was really hot. He licked his hips and decided to make things a little more interesting.

He’d never done this before, but… well, he was always good at things his first try. Well-- as long as they weren’t academic.

He lowered his head, bending himself at the hips, and lowered himself so that his tongue could dart along the tip of Loki’s cock, gathering the precome there, and humming. It didn’t taste bad at all. A little sweet, a little bitter. The perfect mix of what Loki really was.

“S-shit!” Loki gasped as his eyes flew open and both hands came to tangle in Thor’s hair. “What are you doing?”

“Taking care of you, brother,” he said with a grin, keeping their gazes locked as he lowered his head and wrapped his lips around Loki’s cock, sucking on the tip.

“O-oh!” Loki gasped as he arched his hips, forcing a little more of his cock into Thor’s mouth. Thor pulled back just slightly to prevent from gagging as he pushed his middle finger in alongside his index finger, and Loki’s legs, which were trembling, spread open wider.

“Yes,” he gasped. “Oh, Thor, yes…!”

Thor bobbed his head a little, his tongue sliding along the vein on the undersides, and probably too much spit sliding down the length of Loki’s cock, but he was a first timer. He couldn’t be expected to be perfect.

Although… by the sounds Loki was making, he was pretty damn close.

“Gods, Thor… stop with your mouth, or I’m going to come before you’re inside of me.”

Thor grinned around his mouthful and curled his fingers in an attempt to stretch his brother further.

Loki let out a sharp cry as he reached a little lower to grab Thor by the shoulders. “S-stop!” He cried out. “By the norns, Thor, stop! I’m gonna come!”

Thor pulled back quickly, and stared down at his brother hungrily, his fingers still working inside of him. “You’re perfect…”

Loki looked away, and closed his eyes. “I’m stretched enough…”

Thor frowned a little. “You’re not. Most women bleed the first time…”

Loki turned his gaze back to Thor. “Stop underestimating me!” He said loudly.

Thor swallowed hard and nodded as he pulled his fingers out of his brother with a loud squelching sound. They stared at each other a moment, before Thor’s lips curved back up into a grin.

Loki groaned in embarrassment and threw a hand over his face. “Don’t laugh. Please, don’t laugh.”

Thor shook his head. “I won’t.”

“Good. Now fuck me. And make it good. I’ve been waiting.”

Thor nodded, and grabbed Loki by the thigh, lifting that leg up and over his shoulder as he positioned himself at his brother’s hole, and pushed inside slowly.

It was so tight. He had to close his eyes to keep from coming too quickly. It felt so good. He wanted more. He didn’t want to push in too fast, since he was certain that he would tear and rip at his brother’s body. But by the gods, he wanted more.

“Don’t-- go so slow,” Loki ground out demandingly. Thor opened his eyes and stared down in surprise at that red face. “I like it rougher than this!”

Thor groaned loudly at the thought of his brother, usually so quiet and withdrawn, wanting him to fuck him so hard that he’d certainly have a tell-tale limp in the morning.

“Oky. But you can’t get mad at me later,” he said firmly as he shoved in with all his might, that body not yielding to him as easily as a woman’s. But he felt a coolness surrounding his entire body, and when he looked back up, Loki’s hand was glowing a little as he rested a hand on his abdomen. 

“I can do anything I want,” Loki replied a little petulantly. “And don’t look so scared. I’m just… adjusting things.”

Thor felt Loki’s body yield a little, but it didn’t grow any looser. Just… wetter. Slipperier.

Loki was pushing back down into his thrusts eagerly, as Thor began to move. They were not holding anything back. They were moving together desperately, soft gasps and groans escaping the both of them and echoing against the empty walls.

Thor arched his hips, and rolled them a little, looking for that spot that had caused that ripple of pleasure in his brother before.

He seemed to have found it, because Loki let out another sharp cry and his body clenched down around Thor’s cock. “You’re--- you’re--” Loki gasped. “Gods, you’re reaching everything,” he breathed. “You’re so big that your cock touches all of me. I wish--”

Thor would never know what Loki wished, because as Thor shoved up against that spot again, he closed his eyes and arched up against Thor and came apart, his cock trembling and spilling hot spurts of come up against both of their chests and his body convulsed around Thor as he brought Thor over the edge with him. The tightening and the way that Loki’s body dragged him deeper, sent hot spirals of heat into Thor’s abdomen, and he spilled hot with one last thrust inside of his brother.

He rode wave after wave of his orgasm, unlike any he’d ever had before, until he felt utterly spent, and lowered himself, rolling a little to the side, to rest on the bed half atop his brother.

“Loki…” he breathed, trying to catch his breath.

“Now,” Loki began with a trembling breath, “will you tell me the truth about your dream?”

Loki wasn’t looking at him, but the sight he made… Thor would never forget it. He shifted his weight, pulling out of Loki with another wet sound and a wince from both of them. Loki brought his legs together with a little bit of a pained expression, and guilt blossomed in Thor’s chest.

“I’m sorry--”

“Don’t be. I want to feel it tomorrow.”

Thor relaxed a little, but the guilt lingered a bit. “Okay.”

“So. The dream? You can’t just distract me with mind-blowing sex.” 

Thor frowned a little. “Why not? Since when is that a rule?”

Loki sighed. “Keep your secrets then. But you’ll tell me the truth before I’ll let you touch me again.”

It was Thor’s turn to sigh. Leave it to Loki. “Fine. But we’ll sleep this way tonight, together, and maybe tomorrow I’ll tell you about my dreams.”

Loki rolled onto his side and shrugged a little. “Deal.”

Thor wrapped an arm around Loki and leaned in closer to breathe in his scent, tucking his face into the curve of that neck. Nothing back had happened. Nothing bad would ever happen. It was just a dream.

Sleep took over Thor more quickly than he’d anticipated, and he fell into a deep dream. Chaste kisses, soft touches, and then--

Darkness. A cry out. Was it him? Or was it Loki? Or was it-- who was it?

He didn’t recognize the sound. 

A gasp against pressure. Garbled. Choking. A burst of light and then there was Loki. On the ground. Unmoving. Unseeing. Not breathing. Dead. For real.

Thor jolted awake again, tears sliding down his cheeks. He was-- how was he still--

_Loki_.

He glanced over. He was still sleeping soundly.

What did the dreams mean?

Death, certainly. But how could he prevent them?

He had to. He couldn’t live without his Loki. He’d save him. It would be his life’s meaning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The happenings of the first Thor movie! With a bit of a twist, of course! :))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the kudos, guys! I love it! I hope y'all like this chapter, too! let me know!

_ I, Loki, Prince of Asgard…. **Odin’s son**_...

Thor jerked awake and sat up, his heart racing, his face wet with tears.

_Loki…_

He looked around, but there was no sign of his brother. Of course not. Because he was on Midgard, banished from Asgard by his father.

Since the night his father had cast him out, that dream that Thor hadn’t had in hundreds of years had come back to remind him of a future he must be prepared to defeat. And yet… how could one defeat a future that was blocked from them?

Thor could no longer see his brother, feel him, love him. Not in person, anyways. He was not worthy of that honour any longer.

He reached up a hand and wiped the sweat and tears from his face. How could he protect Loki now? Loki who was so strong that Thor had always assumed he’d be capable of protecting himself, and yet-- those dreams hadn’t stopped. Not even after Thor had gone out of his way to give his brother private lessons, all the training he may ever need to learn how to protect himself.

The dream felt… closer now. So much closer, impossibly more real.

And now-- now Thor couldn’t just walk through adjoining doors to make sure his brother was okay. He couldn’t touch him to be sure he was still real. Because he was abandoned in this realm. 

_Loki…_

He couldn’t get the sight of his battered and bruised body out of his mind. The way he’d been thrown in front of him like a useless carcass.

Loki was worth so much more than that. His brother was… Loki. He was precious. At this rate… he was the next King of Asgard.

Someone had to protect him, but would anyone be as capable as Thor? No. No one loved him as much as Thor. No one would be as willing to die for him as Thor.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. His back ached from being curled on a bed that was feet too short for him, but he knew better than to complain about it. He knew that that Jane and Erik and Darcy were doing their best to accommodate him, but it was hard to find mortal accommodations for a god.

He let out a shaking breath and stepped towards the door of Jane’s mobile home. 

Opening the door, Thor was a little relieved to see that the sky was still dark and full of stars. It made him feel safer than the brightness of sun.

Maybe because… no. Could it be because he only ever saw his brother at night, after all of his lessons, all of his training?

No. It was more likely that it was because the last time he’d had a dream of this nature, his brother had been under the stars, and had welcomed him into his arms, body, heart.

The memory was enough to bring a small, tight smile to Thor’s mouth. Before he realized that no such thing could ever happen again. No way would his brother have time to leave Asgard to see him. Nor, probably, would their father allow such a thing.

Thor felt an ache of sadness at that. He already missed Loki. Missed his silver tongue, missed his quick wit. Missed his-- missed having a family in which Loki was the main component.

“What are you doing out here?” Came a soft voice from behind him.

Thor tensed and turned around. Jane was standing there. She looked… well, she looked well put together, as usual. She was pretty. She was definitely his type. But… she wasn’t who he wanted to see just then.

He wanted Loki.

“Just thinking,” he said quietly. 

Jane stepped closer to him. “Thinking about your home?” She asked curiously. She was very curious. Thor thought she and Loki would get along great. 

“Of course. I’m thinking about the golden plains, the smooth grass, the warm sun all year ‘round…” Loki, Loki, Loki. But he couldn’t tell her that. He didn’t know her nearly well enough.

Jane nodded, honey colour hair sliding over her shoulder. “Was there-- a woman back home? I only ask,” she added quickly as his head turned quickly to look at her. “Because you look heartsick more than homesick.”

Thor felt a warmth spread across his face as he looked at her and then looked away. “There was someone special. But it wasn’t meant to be.”

Jane sat down in the loungers spread out outside of her mobile home. “Ah, like star-crossed lovers?” She asked.

Thor sat heavily on a lounger beside hers. “I suppose that would be true in a literal sense,” he agreed.

Jane laughed a soft laugh that made Thor’s chest ache in missing his brother. She reminded him a little of Loki. He wasn’t sure if he liked it or not.

“I’m sorry, Thor,” she said quietly. “I know you must miss her terribly, and that she must be something special to have made such an impression on you.”

Thor snorted lightly and nodded. “You could say that. They’d love to hear that someone found them special. They’re always looking for a way to be more and more special.”

Laughing again, Jane shifted her weight until her legs were curled under her hips and she could rest her elbow on the chair and then her chin onto her hand. “She sounds a little… needy.”

Another snort from Thor. “You have no idea. But I… kind of like it. I mean, we’ve been together for hundreds of years. So maybe-- maybe I’m just used to it.”

Raising one delicate brow, Jane tilted her head slightly. “That’s one way to look at it. But do you… you know. Love her? Even after hundreds of years?”

Thor nodded. He did. He loved Loki more thoroughly and honestly than he’d ever loved anyone else. He hadn’t even lain with another maiden since the first time he and Loki had-- well, it had been an agreement of sorts between the two of them. A silent one. One that Thor had no true proof his brother was keeping, as his liaisons with other men had always been a secret. 

Truly, though, Thor gave him very little time on his own to lay with men. Everynight, almost, Thor would step barefoot into his room and take every pleasure that Loki offered him. It was an arrangement that Loki had never let Thor believe was unsatisfactory in any way. He’d always asked permission, and Loki had never denied him.

Though he had never confessed love or anything other than a burning lust that Thor would’ve known about even if he hadn’t admitted to it. When Loki was quiet, Thor knew that all he had to do was read the cues from his body. Loki’s body spoke louder than Loki ever had.

Thor realized after a moment, that Jane was waiting for him to respond to her. What was he supposed to say? Oh, yeah.

“Yes, I love them more purely than I’ve ever loved another single thing in my life.” It was true. Ever since that first dream, he’d wanted to be with Loki every single moment of every single day.

Jane’s expression softened a little and she nodded slowly. “I’m sure she’ll wait for you then,” she said firmly. “I can’t imagine anyone not loving you back.”

_But I’m no longer worthy,_ he thought to himself as he stretched out over the lounger, feet dangling off the end of course. “Maybe so,” he said a little awkwardly.

He closed his eyes and fell into a blissfully dreamless sleep next to Jane on their loungers. Maybe midgardians could make good friends.

It was the next night, after he’d been captured by the midgardian army, after being proven time and time again that he was unworthy of Mjolnir and Loki and his parents, over and over again. That was the first time Loki came to him. He looked different.

His cheeks were a little sunken in, his eyes haunted, his lips twisted. Thor wondered if what he’d seen had attempted to come to pass.

_”Brother_!” He gasped as he fought against his restraints, wanting to reach out and grab for his brother. His Loki.

“Thor,” Loki said between gritted teeth.

“What are you doing here?” Thor asked desperately. “What has happened?”

Loki licked his lips, and only to Thor (for no one else knew him as well) he looked nervous. “I had to see you.”

“What happened? Tell me! Was it Jotunheim? Let me explain to father--”

Loki’s expression closed off and he looked entirely different than Thor had ever seen him. “Father is dead,” he said coolly.

Thor’s eyes widened and his lips parted as an ache spread out from his chest. His father was-- he truly was unworthy of the power of ‘Thor’. He couldn’t believe it. His father was the most powerful being Thor had ever met. Had ever known to be. He was.. He was invincible! It made the knowledge of what was to come to Loki feel all the more real.

It could really- it could really happen.

“What?” He breathed in disbelief. It just… it couldn’t be real. 

“Your banishment. The threat of a new war was too much for him to bear. But you musn’t blame yourself. I know that you loved him. I tried to tell him so, but he wouldn’t listen. He was so cruel to put the hammer within your reach, knowing you could never reach it. The burden of the throne has fallen to me now.”

Thor swallowed hard and looked away, his face hot with humiliation. “Can I come home now?”

Loki shook his head. “The truce with Jotunheim is conditional upon your exile.”

“Couldn’t we find a way?” Thor begged a little breathlessly. “Brother…”

“Mother has forbidden it. This is goodbye, brother. I’m so sorry.” He looked… off. Thor couldn’t put his finger on it, but something about Loki looked off. Maybe it was because he was there to break Thor’s heart. That would explain it.

“No, I am sorry. Thank you for coming here.” He choked out, a tear sliding down his cheek, his heart heavy, emotion swelling in his chest. Was this really goodbye for them? Was he going to be without his brother for the rest of his hopefully short life?

“Farewell.” Loki said, and Thor thought there was a heavy finality to it as he turned around and walked away from Thor, leaving him alone in his cell.

“Goodbye,” he gasped, lowering his head.

His father was dead, his mother despised even the thought of him, and he would never see his lover again. What was left to live for?

Everything after that was a bit of a blur until he arrived back on Asgard and his brother was-- not as he remembered him.

“I’m not your brother! I never was!”

What was that even supposed to mean? Of course Loki was his brother. If he hadn’t been, well-- they wouldn’t have had to have kept their relationship such a tight secret.

He fought his brother, but it wasn’t with hate in his chest, but a confusion. He would never be the reason for his death. He would only be the reason that his brother was brought back to Asgard safely, and with his pride in tact (actually… Thor didn’t care about that as much).

“Brother!” He cried as Loki stood where the bifrost was alit in a hellish light.

“You’ll never see her again!” Loki cried out as Thor began breaking the bridge. There was a desperation in his voice. Thor had never heard such a desperate ache in his brother’s voice.

Wait, did he think--? Of course, Jane had kissed him, but it hadn’t meant anything. Surely, Loki knew that she didn’t hold the strength in his heart that Loki himself did. There was no space for anyone else.

He’d never felt anything even remotely close to love this way with Jane. But Loki appeared to be… mourning him.

Or something.

Thor couldn’t let that happen. He stopped his hammering and stepped closer to his brother. “I don’t care!” He yelled over the sound of the bifrost. “I don’t love her! She’s just… a friend, brother! Can’t you see--?”

Loki shook his head and ran at Thor. Just as he reached him, the bifrost gave way and crumbled between them. They were falling, but just as Thor began to believe that his life was over… someone grabbed them and held them in limbo.

Thor glanced up to see his father, and the ache that had seared him painfully when he’d believed the man dead… it loosened and he closed his eyes and looked back down at Loki who looked frantic.

“Father…” Thor breathed in relief. He knew now, as he hung in limbo, clinging to the staff, that he was worthy. He’d lifted Mjolnir again, he’d been brought back to Asgard… his father had awoken from his deep slumber to save their lives.

Truly, he was worthy.

“I could have done it, Father! I could have saved us!” Loki was insisting desperately.

Thor glanced down at him in surprise. This was a Loki he’d never experienced. A frantic little boy, desperate to prove his worth to his brother. Wait-- he was Thor. Thor the way he was on midgard. 

How had their roles so completely changed? What could he do to ease the pain that Loki was no doubt feeling in that moment? Thor had to-- had to do something. He couldn’t let Loki live this way/ Not even after the agony he’d put Thor through.

Clearly something had happened while he’d been on Midgard that he wasn’t aware of yet. Something that had changed everything in Loki’s perspective. Loki’s personality was… split.

He had to save him. Maybe this was the beginning of the end.

That couldn’t be the truth. Thor wouldn’t let it.

“Brother!” He cried out as he noticed Loki hesitating.

“Dont’! No, Loki..!”

And then, as he watched, Loki released his grip from the staff and was dragged into the vortex of space and time that was the echo of the bifrost. Lost… forever?

“Loki…!!!” Thor screamed as pain ripped through him and his wide eyes searched the nothingness for his brother. Who was gone. Forever.

A gasping breath escaped him even as his father pulled him up onto what was left of the bridge, and he was trembling in despair, tears rolling loosely down his cheeks as he ripped himself away from his father’s side and stared over the edge of the bifrost bridge. It couldn’t be the end. Loki couldn’t be-- couldn’t be dead.

He didn’t feel dead. Thor thought he could still feel him in his heart. Like a presence that would only disappear with Loki when death truly took him.

He lay on the edge of the bridge for days, weeks, before his mother finally had enough and pulled him back home. She had left him no room for argument, and by then he was so weak he couldn’t fight her even if he wanted to. He was in mourning.

“He’s not dead,” Frigga whispered in his ear as she watched a servant wipe dirt and blood from his cheek. “He’s simply… misplaced. He’ll come home.”

Thor’s brain took an extra moment to comprehend what that meant. “Mother--” he breathed, the first real breath he’d taken since he’d watched his brother fall. “Are you saying… there’s still hope?”

Frigga smile softly, patiently, at her son. “Yes. You know, as well as I, I believe, that this is not how your brother will perish.”

Thor thought about a gasp of a half a breath, a crunching, a thud-- yes. He knew that falling was not how Loki would finally die.

“Have faith, my son,” she pleaded with him. “Believe.”

Thor stood from where he’d been sitting and turned away. He would still save Loki.. He would.

He just had to… see him again. He believed, deep in his heart, that if he slept. Truly slept. That Loki would bring himself to him in his dreams. Would try to make amends. That was how it had been since they’d been very young children.

Maybe if he just-- 

Thor pressed a kiss to his mother’s temple and hurried towards Loki’s rooms. When he got there, he stepped inside and looked around. The walls were still bare, but there. On the bedside table. Thor saw the deep red of a rose that Thor had picked from his mother’s garden for Loki. 

It brought a small smile to his lips and he stepped, exhausted, towards the bed. He peeled back the bedding and slid under the covers. They still smelled like Loki, and it soothed Thor to sleep.

“Thor…”

He tilted his head up, but couldn’t open his eyes. Ah. He was sleeping. But not wholly. “Loki?” He thought desperately.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I…”

Thor tried his hardest to open his eyes, but it seemed as though that was not what Loki wanted. 

“I forgive you,” he insisted. “Come home. We miss you.”

“I can’t. I have to prove my worth first.”

Thor frowned in his sleep, brows drawing together. “I already know that you are worthy.”

“I’m not. I could not wield Mjolnir. I couldn’t defeat you. I couldn’t destroy my home.”

Thor was utterly confused. “Brother--”

“Stop calling me that,” Loki’s voice seemed distant.

“Never. You are my brother until the day we are both dead.”

“I’ll visit you again. Once I know my own plan.”

Thor tensed a little. “Let me see you,” he pleaded.

“Next time, Thor.”

And he woke with a start, that now-familiar ache spreading from his chest to his extremities. He supposed he should be glad that the dream wasn’t of Loki’s death, but he had no idea what Loki planned to do to prove his worth.

He just knew that it wouldn't mean anything good. Loki had sounded so desperate. His brother was all alone and Thor knew, better than anyone, that Loki’s plans were never good. Not without Thor’s moral compass there to guide him.

Fuck.

“Loki, please don’t die on me,” he whispered into the darkness before he rolled onto his stomach and buried his face in the pillow under him, taking in as much of Loki’s scent as he could. He would save Loki.

He would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no smut in this chapter, I know. Hopefully I'll be able to make it up to you guysss

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are cool, but just knowing people are reading this makes me feel good! <3 Thanks, guys!


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